this was a crazy mercury-in-retrograde day. oy. really. running around, tech accidents, human errors, losing my cool, nuts. but tonight was nice. friends, baby, wine, and pumpkin ravioli.
i am grateful for:
1) the ability to control my breath. i mean it really is cool that we can take shallow breaths and deep breaths. fast breaths, slow breaths. a combo. belly breaths, shoulder breaths. little puff breaths, great gulps of breath. so many settings.
2) k and e and their 6-week old. holding the 6-week old, all squirmy while sleeping over my shoulder. i’m totally new at the the baby-holding thing. it was interesting. every time she’d start to fuss, i’d kick into bouncing and patting gear. “you’re so sensitive,” said k. “you soothe her every time she make a noise.” and i realized it was Pavlovian on a couple of levels. Level 1: with other babies, the little wails are usually signs of bigger wails to come, so i was trying to pre-empt a huge tantrum. Level 2: i think i’m habituated to trying to cut off conflict before it begins to protect myself from unpredictable (or predictable) explosions. so it was cool to realize I didn’t have to get all bouncy with each noise. and you know, not to be too metaphory, but maybe i should apply that wisdom to my own habit of cutting off my own and other’s seemingly unpleasant feelings/fussings. that when i feel the clench of fear about a little thing leading to a giant thing, i can just relax and let it flow and ebb.
3) water
4) heat
5) shea oil
6) the photo of obama behind the desk in the oval office. political porn, really.
7) that k loaned me the david foster wallace cruise ship article. holy shit that thing is amazing so far. and has pretty much cemented my desire to never ever take a cruise.
8) the notion of friends playing yenta. (i say notion because not so sure how that reality could be. but the thought is sweet.)
9) b and her cute roundness
10) my trampoline. hey, speaking of which, do you have any good bounce/dance/work-out song suggestions? i’m currently grooving to things like prince, kool in the gang, mc yogi, spearhead, jungle bros. would love a few specific song thoughts. merci.
