i am grateful for:
1) fresh direct. our beloved fairway is sadly lost to the storm for at least another few months. this is so sad. i am grieving for a supermarket. it had five feet of water in it. which means not only do the bananas get wet, but cases float and shatter, everything collapses, everything molds: it took 70 dumpsters to clear it out. hurts my heart. especially because it’s an oddly special place, with river views and the statue of liberty (our lady, we call her) right there. and running into people from high school and around the way. and the people who work there generally being so nice, and the way you can get bread sliced, free. but fresh direct is delivering again, which is better than just overspending at the bodegas. and we have tons of food coming tomorrow, and that feels like a relief and homey. i miss a full fridge. very american of me, but there it is.
2) working through difficult stuff that in other relationships would have slayed me. just actually talking things through and it being better. like, i can stop promising i’ll make granola out of guilt and then not making it, then promising again. so humiliating to see these cracks in me–promises not kept. but strengthening, and hopefully with carryover power. i am struck again and again by the ovaries it takes to be vulnerable. to admit what i am ashamed of in my own behavior. and the beautiful magic that happens when i do, often: acceptance, freedom, relief.
3) kevin clash, for 28 years of elmo loveliness.
4) writing. god i love writing. it feels selfish this love. but we love what we love.
5) dancing. i miss dancing.
6) the nice man i sat next to on the bus from woodstock. i love that feeling of sitting next to a stranger and talking about your life. it gives you a fresh view on you, and it’s so oddly intimate and freeing. i said i was married in the first 45 seconds or so, and that took care of that part, but i love those moments of connection, fleeting and seemingly random, that remind me how many hearts there are out there struggling with the world. same with the woman i had breakfast with at the inn. same but different. she mentioned a couple of times that people had died. but offhand. i could see that sea of fear in her eyes and i wanted to say, “what about death?” but that felt a little heavy for a 9am breakfast by the stream. so instead i told her i thought she was a therapist. she asked why, and i said, because she was good listener, which she was. turns out she used to be a shrink and then became a financial adviser, a therapist for people and money.
7) flannel sheets.
8) lavender oil.
9) c & g tuning forks: http://www.biosonics.com/Sets/. they’re amazingly relaxing.
10) rediscovering my elf hat. and pom-pom knee-highs.
