sunday eve gratitudinals

i am grateful for:

1) cypress oil

2) the park in the sunshine. dragging my feet through piles of leaves. crunch, drag, crunch drag.

3) trying out some byron katie work. and having a cool experience the rest of the night–feeling more myself.

4) hot pink cowgirl boots (which might be more potent than byron katie).

5) lt’s veggie chili

6) restoring and nurturing this weekend. adrenal function seems to be back up-ish.

7) a tub full of epsom salts. really, that stuff is magic if you use enough.

8) getting the preciousness

9) people who love me–remembering they exist, and have

10) a weekend of rest and only one one-way subway ride

11) prospect heights

12) when music lights my heart so that my arms feel like dancing

13) breath, the invisible pump. and the notion that we don’t have to do any backflips to earn that privilege. not everything has to be pushed, earned, worked. some things we can just hold in our hands, fluttering, as they are.

14) “you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” i know i quote that here a lot. but in my current state of deep exhaustion and failed trying and peace within that it makes so much sense. nothing is ever enough. and yet everything is perfect. you are perfect in your imperfection and some day we will know the whys of it all. but for now, maybe we can just rest on the perfection of the in-breath, the out-breath, that there is no cost of admission to be here.

15) hugs that feel present

16) not losing anything

17) flannel

18) the kitty at the bodega who sleeps on the newspapers in the window

19) my blue pedi in “mesmerize.” i love that someone out there understands why one would want indigo toenails enough to call the color mesmerize.

20) jeanne claude, rip.

21) seeing the two st. bernards who live on my block. twins.

22) bhangra