gratitude within the heaviness

if i didn’t know any better i’d say there’s something in the water making me heavy, heady, mind-weighted, heart-burdened. guilty, worried, panicked about imagined unpretty futures, the works. it’s weird. is anyone else feeling this way? astrology, economy, weather?

i am grateful for…

1) “gratitude brings your whole mind into closer harmony with the creative energies of the universe.” — wallace wattles, courtesy beliefnet astrology blogger lynn hayes in her lovely new book visioncrafting.

2) this haunuman chalisa from kd:

3) purple wool tights

4) cerulean warblers (thanks, b)

5) carl g. jung, who in my heaviness, i have been thinking about all day. and looking up quotes like: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” and “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” and “Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” and “When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.” and “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

6) ‘wichcraft double-choco creamwich cookies

7) shea butter lip balm

8) the part that can see the heaviness but is not of the heaviness.

9) my first college boyfriend, who surfaced in my mind tonight while i was in the tub–he convinced his women’s studies class he was born with a prehensile tail; liked to read marquis de sade aloud; wrote poems about lusty nuns; and made me laugh hard, all the time. even when he wrote and publicly read a poem about me, as a buick, crushing the puppy of love.

10) the word shanti. shanti shanti shanti. om.