blarg
When I was kvetching to a friend the other day about feeling awful and being curled up in fetal position he said, “Oh I didn’t know pain was involved.” Which got me thinking that maybe I’ve put too sunny a face on this, emphasis on grace, not fierce. Well, today is kinda fierce.
They said in the beginning there would be a cumulative effect. And like everything else I thought maybe I’d get around their predictions, like baldness, like finger numbness, exhaustion. But alas, on a day when I should be perking up from the chemo fog I feel fuzzy, numb, tired, stopped up (though I am out of organic prunes, my little shriveled lifeboats), and exhausted enough to not feel so guilty when I ask T the thousandth “Can you hand me the….?”
But we did go to brunch, which like most things right now, tasted vaguely wet-cardboardish. Tried to go to Paris Commune only to see it’s gone, likely another victim of the Rodeo-Driving of west Bleecker Street. But god I want everything at the Marc Jacobs store next door. Anyway, so Miracle Grill instead, which was fine, the waiter not too squeamish about taking my tearful order. The tears came when I realized I have two more rounds of this and as much as I want a cute spring outfit from Mr. Jacobs I do not want another drop of that potion in my veins.
But we ate and then across the street I bought a Garrison Keillor novel and T bought me Lemony Snickett, the first one. And something Roman Historyish (?) for himself.
Got home and ate Magnolia cupcakes we did not have to wait in line for (which was the only way T would eat them. His verdict: underwhelmed. Mine: yum, once again.)
And now, I’m left to my own symptoms and fretting and will soon nap it all away and then hopefully wake and do dishes, maybe. Maybe put some more energy into the crossword, though I think we hit the wall. Um, okay, I should be grateful for something here, like more emails of love and support that I’m too tired/afraid to answer. And I am. Grateful. But also, have I mentioned? This sucks.
