i collect the mean things people say to me like pellets for future ammunition, to be used mostly against myself. they’re locked in a cigar box, tucked away in a spot you can’t find. But I can. I don’t even need the box, really. because i have them memorized. i know every horrible slight by internal tattoo. i can recite them like lines from sixteen candles. or annie hall.
but the nice, kind, affirming, loving, appreciative things people say? i tend to leave them piled around like blowsy errant post-its that might get swirled in with the recycling or stuck in a pile somewhere. i vaguely remember where they are, but mostly, who knows? could be over there somewhere.
the amazing blogger therese borchard suggests making a self-esteem file. literally taking a folder and filling it with kind notes, emails, letters, cards. anything that someone says to you that reminds you of your goodness, as you want to be seen and become more fully. you dip into it when you can’t think of a single reason why you’re not just a waste of breath and food and water. a great task. i keep meaning to make one.
i was reminded of all of this today when a dear friend im’d me this:
“You are beautiful, loving and talented, and deserve pervasive joy.”
And he meant me. Not anyone over my shoulder. Lovely and healing words like holy water. Like love turned fragrant massage oil. Pervasive joy! Yes! We all deserve pervasive joy. Love it. Like roses made mist, pervading our cells with the truth and beauty of joy. Of yay. of thanks and fun.
Thanks, j. You have a way of being an archetypal Reminder.
You, dear reader, what’s the nicest thing you’ve heard about yourself lately? Say it proud.
Here’s Therese on creating a self-esteem file:
