sweltery gratitude

i am grateful for:

1) clear test results. this year felt particularly hard. the scan itself, the metallic taste in my mouth afterward, the way too long week between scan and results. getting to the doctor’s office for said results and being told that the doctor’s office had moved, and that they must have told me. waiting in the new fancy office for over an hour–like the most gorgeous airport lounge you have ever seen, with wall to wall carpet with a pressed leaf pattern that felt soft and bouncy. but the backdrop for the usual despair: scared couples, cuddling close; scared couples talking about everything but the scary thing in the most desperately detatched way; the guy with the burned face humming to himself loudly; the women with the masks (which is what you wear to the cancer hospital if you are remotely not feeling well); the woman who looked so much like my great-aunt irene that i watched her when they called “reiss!” but the great news being, aside from having blood pressure better than the young male nurse taking it, was dr. z. saying it was all “perfect.” the scan, the bloodwork, the exam. perfect. he was wearing a tie with small smiling, spouting yellow whales on a blue background. and i asked if he picked out his own ties and he said, “this one, yes. usually if they’re particularly silly, i have.” and he agreed to switch things up: it’s been six years and my official new scan schedule is every other year–a milestone i did not know was even a possibility. but i asked, and he gave. i do not have to even step on the bouncy carpet for one whole year. happy happy dance.

2) warmth. sundresses. sandals. my pedicure that’s the exact same color as a tennis ball.

3) my friends who have just published books–“unnatural selection: choosing boys over girls and the consequences of a world full of men” by mara hvistendahl just came out–it’s about the “missing girls,” i.e., the global population tilt as women abort girl babies and have boy babies and some of the already evident consequences. and elena azzoni’s book is out this fall, “a year straight: confessions of a boy-crazy lesbian beauty queen“–a hilarious tale of sexual misadventures told with brains and heart. you go, writer girls!

4) homemade granola

5) our insane grill and that i have a man who makes things on it that taste delicious–peaches, scallops, asparagus.

6) opening to love, more all the time. rusty heart hinges. good to er, lubricate them with patience and presence and feel opening.

7) holding s & j’s baby and having him be all chill for a long time with me on the gliding porch bench.

8) a meeting of the two families. a bbq, next-step success.

9) seltzah in the summah

10) dreams of swimming soon