i am grateful for….
1) knowing i’m not the only one feeling agitated and shook up by the season change. in chinese medicine spring is represented by the element of wood, which correlates to the liver, which, when chi-clogged as most of ours are, leads to anger and frustration. i’m hoping this is why i am inexplicably jumping out of my skin this week.
2) that b.c. is healing really well. and that that makes me happy. it’s nice to be attached to another’s wellbeing, especially when it feels good. is that ok?
3) getting to see krishna das this week, even if it’s at webster hall, which the kd website has apologized for–it’s got no seating and the stage is raised, not exactly ideal for kirtan. so they’re encouraging people to bring pillows and blankets and have apologized for the inconvenience. i love that a gig at a venue other bands might kill for is something kirtanis feel compelled to apologize for.
4) the oddly satisfying feeling of writing run-on sentences. usually a sign i need some self-expressing.
5) elizabeth gilbert’s “committed.” i like it. i mean i see where she struggled and how it could be disappointing to people. but i love that it’s a little bit of a fuck you to the people who loved her book only for its happy romantic ending. it’s a poetic follow up in that way. it is also making me remember all the reasons i think marriage is a completely insane endeavor. and also one that could be worthwhile. but one we need to enter not just with hope and love, but some scholarly and spiritual and legal understandings about its fundaments.
6) spring cleaning. i’m hauling a bag a day on the subway with me to housing works, which is making me feel like i have to work for my purging, which is good.
7) sarasvati and the mantra i found for her, the hindu goddess of knowledge, music, literature, and the arts in general: “om eim (pronounced i’m) sarasvati svaha”
8) remembering to do something calming today when i thought i would seriously lose my shit in a full-on adult temper tantrum. i bought organic lavender oil at the health food store and the cashier said, “good for stress.” indeed.
9) eating at the gee whiz diner with s. last night. such a great greek salad! omelette! olive oil! and i bet they make a mean chocolate shake.
10) the feeling of warmth after putting wool tights on under my jeans today. spring chill is almost more chilling than winter. bone-reaching.
11) sturdy, handled shopping bags (when a reusable isn’t around, a course)
12) gum
13) when people have dreams about me
14) the color me katie blog
15) how meditating for five minutes between meetings (five hours of ’em!) calmed me down like 15 notches
16) the word grace
17) holly’s garden
18) pending summer
19) the bitch yoga teacher not completely freaking when my cell phone went off in class. and then how not shame-spirally i got.
20) book hope
21) a calm core in chaos
22) sofa-snuggling
23) parsnips
24) dancing yoga with shiva rea at the bed stuy y–so random and beautiful and uplifting. to african drumming, no less.
25) feeling the fear and doing it anyway
26) how b.c. said to me, upon my kvetching, “meetings are your guru.” and i was like graaaahhhh! that’s exactly something i would say if i didn’t feel like throttling god. and so it was actually helpful, in the hurts so good sort of way. and they are. patience, listening, staying open when i want to shut down, staying present when i want to check out, being honest without being inflammatory, and other stuff i’m especially crappy at in an airless room with fluorescent lighting, no windows, no air, extreme temps, and equally cranky people. om.
