um, yeah. i am grateful for:
1) baking banana chocolate-chip muffins, roasting pumpkin and pumpkin seeds
2) the heat finally coming on at work and in my apartment yesterday. if this had happened when it was actually cold instead of the legally mandated date i might not actually have a cold. but i am glad to feel thawed for the first time in a while. grumble grateful.
3) ugly apples from my neighbor’s parents’ farm. so ugly, so good.
4) the mary tyler moore show! i bought season 1 just before getting sick. yay! yum! “the only thing worse than being single is sitting around talking about being single.” — mary. “sometimes i don’t know whether i’m working or hallucinating.” — lou grant at their office.
5) an essay by natalie goldberg in “the best spiritual essays 2008” book. it’s about koans. and falling apart. and being fallen apart. and being seen fallen apart. it felled me. crying-on-the-train felled me.
6) carrying on with the writing, agent or no. sellable topic or not.
7) the notion of needing to write for the purpose of psychological reimbursement for crappy shit that happens. not from any person in particular, but just in general. or not in general. against certain diseases who know who they are. it’s good to identify that sometimes we write for payback. and that’s ok.
8) m., for reminding me to do legs up the wall for my now crazy-purple, swollen toe.
9) being half-asleep when i actually slammed said toe into an errant boot. any more conscious and omg, pain.
10) quinoa, my beloved grain. you are full of protein, look like a coil, a diaphragm, a sperm, an unrolled condom, a curly little critter, and yet, and also, the wonder, the joy of you bringing light and goodness to every meal. amen.
11) wakame. so handy when lacking fresh green things. or when fresh green things are shriveled brown things or smeary black things in the alleged crisper drawer.
12) getting to sit at a quiet, sanity-inducing, work-producing desk for a little while. i thank the jackhammers for that.
13) seeing thich nhat hanh last friday and still feeling the peacifying effects
14) a new moon. tho i am concerned about feeling so low during it–i should be planting happy seeds, not sneezy, sad, sleepy, self-pitying ones. so: here. plink. plink. plink. i just planted: nourishment, community, and love.
15) that i’m taking some vaycay time soonish. not sure what to do yet again. but knowing it’s there gives me a peaceful feeling.
16) the thought of maybe spending new years in the berkshires. slightly torturous but mostly lovely. to chant into a new year. to rest into a new year. to dance into a new year. to asana, to sauna, to hike, to breathe oxygenated air.
17) creamed honey
18) obama
19) kitty ears
20) actual paper books and the people who love them
21) being whole and shattered and everything all at once
