i’m still sick. and kind of sad from being sick and alone all week and feeling all alone in the world. and poooooooor me! i’m literally sitting in the dark, feeling all weepy and weird and thinking about men and desire and safety and family and closeness and having a place in the family of things.
ooooook. morbid mcmopiness.
i am GRATEFUL for:
1) a guy named bernard i met while waiting for my lunch to-go from gen, this great japanese place near me. i asked what was in his leather bow-shaped bag–like a yoga mat bag or a bow-and-arrow bag or a gun bag. i asked, what’s in the bag? well, i asked, may i ask what’s in the bag? but i mumbled because i am curious but shy and had to repeat myself a couple of times until i said, what’s in the bag. dude is big–wide and tall–dreadlocks, mid-fifties. and turns out it’s a japanese flute made of bamboo. he plays court music and folk music with it. and he even pulled it out to show me. it was lovely burnished bamboo. we talked for a while about obama’s spy-proof blackberry which i didn’t know about and i explained to him about j. crew (michelle, sasha, and malia have been wearing them). and since the service was ghastly (a newbie waitress out of central casting for bad, befuddled, sweet waitresses) there was a while. he’s a welder by trade. iron workers 261, i believe. anyway, it was nice to talk to someone. god, i sound like a 500-year-old lady. it’s the winter and the sick. i hope.
2) that i seem to be mending. but so slowly. it really is odd. and a little bit scary. the whole immune system thing. i need to have a really good one, because, well, you know. and it seems kind of weakened and that scares me.
3) roller boogie successory of the day
4) the song i got from them called “sandwiches” by detroit grand pubahs. sample lyrics (ok, the only lyrics): “i know you wanna do it. you know i wanna do it too. out here on the dance floor, we can make sandwiches. you can be the bun and i can be the burger girl… so make your thighs like butter, easy to spread.”
5) realizing that in the song “genius of love” there’s a lyric that sounds like “obama, obama, obama”
6) the movie hair. i watched it last night. man, has it held up. go twyla. and treat. really fun. and brave. it was the first r-rated movie i saw. in the theater when i was five. i remember being shocked by berger peeing off the bandshell. the ending is llllaaaame (and apparently different from the play). but other than that, yum.
7) that j. picked up my chinese herbs for me! thanks, j.
8) that i have so many talented, smart, cool-ass friends.
9) water
10) a new idea i’ve got for a blog. stay tooooned!
2 Comments
hey, thanks for the SNL bit . Very funny. I have to say I totally relate to #1-when I’m sick or not. Some days, after archiving ALL ALONE ALL DAY I’m just kind of blue and a bit of sad sack and then I’ll run into someone I know on the street and have a 3 minute conversation. Or even a conversation with a stranger. And Wham! I feel amazing. Or at least much better. I think I read something once in the Science Times that led me to believe feel-good chemicals, some kind of naturally produced wonder-drug, was being released in my brain with this interaction. I believe it. And I’m sure it’s good for your immune system.
thanks, zoe. it’s nice to know i’m not the only one. and it really is so amazing how those teeny moments of connection make such a chemical difference. which makes me wonder what things would be like if we all lived more open and friendly and communally all he time….