i’ve been a little spotty here. maybe that’s why i’m feeling sort of more half empty. this is the quote that’s been speaking to me:
“I don’t mind the despair, it’s the hope I can’t take.” -Charlie Brown
I’m grateful for:
1) holding the brand-new baby l. in intensive care yesterday. the lovely strong calm girl that felt like heavy air in my arms. and looking at her little, new face and having the thought to myself, “are you getting this? because this is a big deal. this is a soul. this is a brand-new human.” and i almost did.
2) that i’m listening to the new live krishna das album
3) new highlights from jane
4) hearing j’s stories about india–the slums, the warmth, the chai, the temples–and taking a vicarious trip.
5) that p’s status update said his wife of 10 years still gives him stomach butterflies
6) kz
7) the amazing brazilian concert at BAM this weekend
8) sweating it all out at bikram on saturday night. i forgot how purging it is. and weirdly bonding, all suffering together–siblings in shared sweat. i exchanged little secret smiles with the woman next to me even tho that sort of expression of joy or pain seems verboten there.
9) chai
10) rb, still
11) this wonderful book, the history of last night’s dream. i’m especially digging the part about creating healing visualizations and how to “correct” or, really, finish unfinished dreams in waking life. and therefore mending some of the “source” material. i’ve done some of that before and found it incredibly helpful. it’s cool to see that it’s birthed in kabbalah, partly.
