monday spring evening gratitude

i am grateful for…

1) rediscovering “the wasteland.” thanks, h. and learning that the first line, “april is the cruellest month” (which is what lead me back to the poem) is followed by the last line of: “shanthi, shanthi, shanthi.” how was eliot versed in sanskrit?

2) the relief that follows a really, really bad day of depression. storm lifting, all of that. I’m re-reading/finishing vivian gornick’s amazing little book “the situation and the story,” and the bit she quotes of didion’s migraine essay, “in bed,” feels similar: “for when the pain recedes, ten or twelve hours later, everything goes with it, all the hidden resentments, all the vain anxieties. the migraine has acted like a circuit breaker, and the fuses have emerged intact. there is a pleasant convalescent euphoria. i open the windows and feel the air, eat gratefully, sleep well. i notice the particular nature of a flower in a glass on the stair landing. i count my blessings.” i don’t feel quite so cleansed–still raw and a little disoriented tho surprisingly functional–but similar. and blessings, counted, here.

3) for mt, my friend who was born today… what? 39 years ago. man, when your older ex-boyfriends start turning (almost) 40…. 🙂

4) this book i’m reading about pranayama, “the practice of breath.” it’s neat. been trying to belly-breathe more. it’s really hard.

5) for the free-range chicken(s) who died for my dinner. i know it’s not exactly like they threw themselves into my suttee pan after ripping out their own feathers for me. but. well. grateful.

6) feeling strong in my arms

7) love

8) the little bunchlets of purple flowers growing on some branches in the park yesterday.

9) sleep

10) the park slope tui na place